What Can Parents Do To Help Stop The Cycle Of School Refusal?

There are a few things that parents can do to help stop the cycle of school refusal:

Step in quickly.

Missed schoolwork and social experiences snowball, making school avoidance a problem that grows larger and more difficult to control as it rolls along.

Be on the lookout for any difficulties your child might have around attending school on time and staying for the full day. If the problem lasts more than a day or two, step in.

Help identify issues.

Try to find out why your child is avoiding school. Gently ask, “What is making school feel hard?” Is your child struggling socially or being bullied? Afraid of having a panic attack in the classroom? Worried about his/her academic performance or speaking in front of other students in the classroom? Fearful of being separated from his/her parents for a full day?

Communicate and collaborate.

Your child’s school is a key partner in combating school avoidance. Contact your child’s teacher or school guidance counselor, psychologist, or social worker to share what you know about why your child is struggling to attend school.

The more information the school has about why school avoidance is occurring, the better they will be able to help you. Collaboratively problem-solve with your child and the school by identifying small steps that can help your child gradually face what he is avoiding at school.

Let’s say fear about speaking in front of the class is a problem. A child might be permitted to give speeches one-on-one to a teacher, then to his teacher and a few peers, and gradually work up to speaking in front of the class. Or the child prefers the teacher to not call on them in front of other students.

Be firm about school.

Be empathetic but firm that your child must attend school. Tell him/her you are confident he/she can face his/her fears.

Let your child know that while physical symptoms of anxiety, such as stomachaches, headaches, and fatigue, are certainly unpleasant, they are not dangerous. Generally, children should only stay home from school for fever of at least 100.4F, or vomiting, a bad pain indicating an injury or coughing that will not stop.

It’s important for anxious children to learn that they can persevere and do what they need to do even when experiencing physical anxiety, just as adults must in their own jobs.

Physical symptoms often ease up as the school day progresses and children face their fears. Learning this firsthand can empower a child.

Make staying home boring.

Is there anything about the out-of-school environment that makes it extra tempting to stay home? Make home as school-like as possible. No unfettered access to screens of any kind and no sleeping or lounging in bed unless genuinely sick.